Seleccionar página

Your face floats in a warming sun. 

You let the hot water trickle down you in the shower or cuddle you in the bath. 

You snuggle into a cosy bed after a long day.

You feel safe. 

This week I have been working with companies on giving and receiving feedback. 

If both people don’t feel safe in the conversation, the impact of the feedback is going to be watered down. 

The point of feedback is this: I value you so much that I want this relationship to work (professional or personal).

For any relationship or team to work, those in it need to feel genuinely valued in order to truly listen to any critical feedback.  

Even the impact of “positive” feedback is decaffeinated if the person receiving it doesn’t feel safe. (“Yeah, yeah. He/she is buttering me up before telling me what I’m doing wrong” etc).

How then, do you make someone feel safe?

Well, you can’t. You can’t MAKE anyone feel anything. 

You can, nonetheless, go into the conversation feeling safe yourself. 

If you feel safe there is no need to overthink the conversation, be in a hurry, try to people-please, underestimate the other person or try to manipulate the outcome of the conversation…

If you feel safe you can be 100% present with the person for the time designated to the meeting; relaxed, speaking and listening from the heart, and genuinely open to any outcome…

Consequently, this will no doubt be a vital ingredient for the other person to create their own experience of safety. 

This begs the question: How can I feel safe? 

By being aligned with how reality works: 

Human beings are designed to perform, connect and create in real-time in the moment… and there is no occurrence or outcome that you cannot handle. 

In fact, the most unexpected occurrences or outcomes are usually when we shine as human beings and professionals.

That is when your innate creative capacity is revealed in all its glory. 

With your hands in the air you get the full experience of the rollercoaster. If you grab on tightly to the side, the ride is the same – you just suffer from beginning to end.

The point of feedback is to spark an insight in the other person – for them to see something entirely new that may transform their behaviour/performance. 

You cannot MAKE them see anything even if they nod and say that they agree. But you can go into the conversation feeling safe, and let safety do its alchemy. 

Maybe we need to look for a new word. Instead of feedback, “Support conversations” or something similar. 

Although, we know, calling a company Agile doesn’t mean it really is… maybe being humble to begin with is best.