Recently I’ve worked with clients who were locked inside this human-invented concept of people-pleasing.
There is no greater way to deplete your energy than believing that you have to think and behave in certain ways for people to choose to have you in their lives.
There is no eerier excuse than “I’m a people-pleaser” or “I can’t say no” for not regularly following your common sense and leading a life that is right for you.
There is no mightier turn-off than someone who is killing themselves for you to approve of them.
I get it. A large majority of us struggle with fear of being abandoned, as we experienced it from a young age.
The feeling of this fear is very real and all-consuming. The fear itself, however, is illusory, temporary.
It comes up when we are ripped away from the feeling of who we really are: beings that can never be separate from the whole, no matter who or what is in our lives.
We constantly feel secluded when we spend more time in our heads than in reality.
This makes us form thought-behaviour habits that chase feelings of relief from our pain from “the outside” (your partner, children, employer, colleagues, activities).
Luckily, these habits can be broken in any instant because they can only manifest themselves in the present moment.
You can only realise the mental torment you are allowing yourself to be hypnotised by and experience something entirely new, right now.
You can feel the tension in your body that’s being created by all your excess thinking. You can breathe, open up to the creative, transformative capacity of life taking form inside of you in this blink…
You can feel that you need nothing nor nobody to be complete, connected to everything and everybody.
When the moment’s right, when you know what to do, you will do it. Often that will be to say “no” and sometimes “goodbye”…
And if you find yourself thinking: “I won’t be able to cope if I lose this job or that person”, know that you are simply lost in piles of thinking, instead of revelling in the ever-changing fractals of life.
